I want to beat my husband

I want to beat my husband. I want to take my fists and pound them into his chest, and I want to slap him senseless. I want to pin him down and hit him. And right now I think he'd let me. He'd totally understand, and I bet it would make him feel better for what he did.

Today was Wyatt's birthday party. When we go out in public, I take care of Colton while Rex watches Ry. The party was at a big park and they had a bouncy house. Ry LOVES the bouncy house. We were sitting around the picnic tables talking, Ry was feeding Wyatt some of his lollipop and scooting around the ground on his knees. I went to sit in the shade with Colton to nurse him. I was watching the kids play in the bouncy house and started watching a couple who was arguing outside the bounce house. Rex got up and went to the bouncy house, he was looking inside... I took a quick scan of the picnic tables, no Ry, I saw that Rex was still scanning all the kids in the bouncy house. I quickly covered up and ran over to Rex. Sharon took Colton and we all scattered to look for Ry. All I could think was that he got into the street and a car would hit him, someone kidnapped him, he fell into the creek, he got hit by the train that goes around the park.

I ran to the carousel to tell one of the workers that there was a missing child. He asked me what he was wearing and I said he was wearing a hawaiian shirt he's blonde with a shaved head. As soon as I spit out that information I just ran and kept looking. I ran over the train tracks and into another picnic area when Rex's aunt Jen called to me that they found him. I turned around to run back to Ry but the train gates had lowered keeping me in. I just wanted to run through and grab Rylan, and beat Rex all at the same time. When the gates finally opened I ran to get Rylan and told Rex that he was very lucky we were in a public place because I was about to beat his ass. The entire ride home I cried and couldnt even LOOK at Rex. I dont understand how he was "watching" Ry. There were so many times that I have told Rex that he can't take his eyes off of him for a single SECOND. He always does that. I walk out in the back yard and Rylan is playing alone when Rex is in the garage not paying attention. He just doesn't understand that a two year old can get into trouble in litterally ONE second.

I still want to beat my husbands ass. Usually writing and thinking things out helps. But I'm really sick of his bullshit